Relief

My project is an exploration of the voices in our heads, whether they be harmful critics or core parts of our identities, and I further explored what happens when these voices harness more control than we have ourselves. It may look like this project is about imagination, but as I have continued to look inwards I have realized that this is about the accessibility of imagination depending on how much control we have over how we think, criticize, and live our lives. I was only able to approach this project because I have had the experience of not being able to use my imagination.

In my lifetime, imagination and creativity have played a huge role. I have depended on my imagination for my physical expression, fantastical daydreams, curated romantic scenarios, new possible hairstyles, and while creating art. So when the ability to think positively and think happy thoughts were suddenly a challenge, I feel alarmed. I have experienced depression and panic and anxiety on and off for years, but it has never so fully stripped me of my ability to think for myself. The voices in my head took over, which one could argue is not that alarming because the voices in our head are our own after all. But I disagree, I think that the voices are past experiences speaking, traumas speaking, fears speaking. Imagination is accessible when you are listening to yourself at your very core, your intuition. I had lost access to that.

In order to create art based on this idea, I had to divide the two, control and lack of control. Since I started creating art, I have not settled on a specific medium which has made my ability to approach concepts freeing and open. I decided to do a comparison by creating a piece based on my creative mind. My head when the doubt and fear are silent and my imagination is able to blossom. I did this in the form of a stop motion mixed media edit. I am seen exploring my mind as it runs wild, full of colorful feelings, characters, versions of myself, in an almost theatrical short video.

When I think of control I think of organization and minimalism. When I think of lack of control I think of loud, bright, blinding chaos. I found that the opposite can also be true, having control does not always mean solid stillness. Having control can be synonymous with being stable enough to have a dynamic view of life. And the lack of control can sometimes mean solid stuckness, the inability to move forward. For my piece on the lack of control, I decided to make a painting. A more static representation to emphasize the sensation of being stuck, unable to take the reins and save yourself.